The Directions

Danny: Do we need to take the 134?

(silence)

Danny: Joel, do we need to take the 134?

Joel: Oh, yeah take the 134.

Zack: What were you doing? We almost missed the exit.

Joel: I was playing Angry Birds.

The Towels

Phil: I need two towels.

Joel: I know you need towels, [pulls his shirt open] now look at my chest hair!

The Tinker

While video editing.

Joel: I start with the wall, and then I tinker with the face.

The Doctors

Joel: Doctors don't invent teleportation.

The Watermelon

Joel: Watermelon is all the rage these days.

The Stella

Joel: I used to really like Stella, but now I've kind of moved on from Stella.

The Shorts

Jason shows off his concert get up, complete with plain blue shorts.

Joel: No one's gonna love you with those shorts.

The Treatise

Joel: It's a treatsie on the human condition...

Danny: Did you just say treatsie instead of treatise?

The Friend

Joel: That girl wasn't random, she was Julie's friend.

Danny: Who's Julie?

Joel: Some random girl.

The Princess

Joel: Is that Xena: Princess Warrior?

The One

Joel: I've never met any of them. Except one of them.

The Wake Up

Joel: Sometimes I need to be freaked out of bed.

The Drive

Danny: Are we all driving together?

Joel: We shouldn't.

The Fire

Danny: Inflammable and flammable mean the same thing.

Joel: Wait so there aren't things that can't be caught on fire?

The Hunt

On justifying his glee in watching a ferret hunt a rabbit:

Joel: It's a bunny. They're malevolent. They eat carrots.

The Wizardry

Joel: I dont know about genetics, it's just a bunch of metaphysical wizardry.

The Transportation

Joel sits down with another drink.

Danny: How are you getting home?

Joel: Osmosis.

The Proposition

Joel: I want be inside you.

The Best

Joel: In German, wurst means best.

The Fun Train

Joel: Stop raining on the fun train.

The Ripped Guys

Joel: These ripped guys scare me.

The Socks

Zack: There's nothing worse than a wet sock.

Joel: Dry sock.

The Payment

Joel: I refuse to pay full price for anything.