The English

Joel: He doesn't speak that well English.

The Bone

Mr. Professor (a dog) refuses to give up the bone he's gnawing on.

Joel: You know what they say, "give a dog a bone."

Danny: Is there a second part to that?

Joel: No.

The Ninja

Joel: I was kinda like a ninja. And I'm not talking about the costume.

The Mark

Joel: Since when do you drink Member's Mark?

The Names

Zack: Gretchen is not an attractive name.

Danny: Or Gertrude.

Joel: Or Harry Balls.

The Pitfalls

Joel: One of the pitfalls of being small is that people bully you.

The Knife

Danny: (Hands Joel a plastic knife)

Joel: Does it work?

The Armadillo

Joel: Do armadillos have livers?

The Bell

Joel: Life would be very not as good without taco bell

The Survival

Waldo: You would never survive in New York.
Joel: I could, I just wouldn't be happy.

The Arm

Joel: (while watching baseball) Does he really have a bionic arm?

The Watermelon

Joel: Do you think watermelons are a waste of water?

The PYT

Joel: Where do you think you're going you PYT?

The Garlic

Danny: That's a lot of pepper.
Joel: That's my garlic if I was a Dracula.

The Bear

Ben: You're a grizzly bear.
Joel: Sometimes I feel just average.
Pause
Joel: You know like just your average bear.

The Same Person

Joel: I think you and Waldo are the same person.

Andy: Why?

Joel: (no response)

Andy: Why, Joel?

Joel: I hang out with both of you.

The Hipness

Danny: Why do all of these have Mao in them?

Joel: It's hip to be Mao.

The Words

Joel: You can't be sued for using words.

The Beckon

Zack: I want a fucking Mountain Dew.

Joel: I'll get you one.

Zack: Bring it to me!

Joel: But there's a catch. You must be at my beckon call whenever I please.

Zack: You mean beck and call?

Joel: Whatever works for you.

The Christians

Zack: No alcohol after 10? What are they, Christian or something?

Joel: More like gay...gay Christian.

The Departure

Jason: I'm heading home.

Joel: Get out of here.

The Painting

Joel: We need a painting. A big one. If we could somehow get a painting of a tiger with a big red background, we would be set.

The Remote

Joel: (Looks at remote) I don't want this. (Chucks remote at Danny and Zack's heads with no warning)

The Lock

Joel: (locks the door) No one leaves.

The Invitation

Joel: I go to Zankou at least once a week.

Zack: And never invite me.

Joel: You never ask to go.

The Thumb Tacks

Joel: Here's how it's going to go down. I'm bringing home four thumb tacks, two blue and two green, and we'll pick thumb tacks to see who gets which room.

Danny: Why can't we just flip a coin?

Joel: This is more even.

The Favor

Zack: I was just doing him a favor!

Joel: Well you assume it when you take it from him.

The Money

Joel: I would be a great interior decorator...if I only had the money.

The Solving of a Problem

Zack: I just don't want her to be mad at me.

Joel: Fuck her and she wont be mad anymore.

The Blue Pen

Danny: How do you know it was my blue pen, it could have been yours.

Joel: No, I never ever use a blue pen. I'm a black man...pen.