The Bank

Danny: And then he would threaten to sue Chase Bank.

Joel: Speaking of Chase, I'm planning on switching to that from B of A.

The Raspberry

Joel: Isn't raspberry used as some sort of sexual connotation or something? I feel like it's an asshole.

The Drinking

Joel: (upon the completion of his bachelor party) I'm not drinking again for...like...at least 24 hours.

The Military

Joel: You get paid to be in the military?

The Mule

Devonie: Why is he called The Mule?

Joel: Because he is a workhorse.

The Lesson

Joel: Here's your lesson: You're going to have to pay for lessons.

The Grasp

Joel: I've got you in the clutches of my grasp.

The Euphemism

Miko: Milking the wizard is clearly the best masturbation euphemism.

Joel: It’s very close to milking the lizard.

Miko: Is that a euphemism that exists?

Joel: I wouldn’t be surprised.

The Reverence

Joel: Can black people only be reverends?

The Boneless

Mike: Joel, are you Joelon?

Joel: No, I am boneless retard.

Ben: I am Joelon.

The People

Joel: You know what I've noticed is that you don't see fat people out because they don't go out.

The Season of Joel

Aaron: Why are you specifically interested in having her come to Halloween?

Joel: Because I will be in my element. Halloween is the season of Joel. The full moon of Jolon basks on unsuspecting lady targets and they are entranced by my Phoenix rising from the ashes of costumed mayhem.

The Sand Trap

Joel quickly learns why you don't do a u-turn into a beach with a hybrid. Better luck next time, Danto.

The Departure

Zack: Gonna make it home?

Joel: Probably soon, why?

Zack: So we can drive together.

Joel: I will keep you posted on my departure.

The Knees

Joel: My life is in your knees.

The Carnage

Joel: What play you seeing?

Stephanie: God of Carnage.

Joel: Sounds sexual.

Stephanie: Um, carnage is not sexual...it is killing a lot of people.

Joel: Haha, sorry I'm thinking carnal...not carnage.

The Help

Zack: I don't feel like Bertuzzi has been very good for us in the playoffs.

Joel: He wants to be helpful...

The Fact

Joel: It's a fact of history.

The Home Stuff

Zack: What were you doing before?

Joel: Just at home.

Zack: Doing what?

Joel: Home...stuff...

The Pine Cone

(Joel kicks pine cone)

Joel: Take that egg corn.